“SHINGLE ME TIMBERS,
So, the legend goes like this…
A few months back, the Ghost of Edward Teach, infamously known as Blackbeard, makes port in Beaufort, North Carolina for some emergency repairs on the roof of his ghost ship. Despite the fact that the Queen Anne’s Revenge successfully routed her captain to and from Davy Jones’s Locker countless times, her ceilings were taking a turn for the worse.
The ocean, Blackbeard loved; the drip of the sea over his bedchambers, however, caused his penchant for plank-pushing to double. Normally, the proud pirate would have suffered in strong silence, but the crew’s similar complaints, dripping into the Captain’s ears, exacerbated the condition. Thus and thus, a port-stop was necessary.
For whatever reason, Beaufort was not as accommodating as Mr. Teach had hoped, so after a gallon or three of liquid spirits at the Backstreet Pub, the search extended to Ocracoke, NC. Truth be told, the pirate king dreaded such a visit...bad memories and all...but the need was dire. An unexpected fortune awaited Blackbeard at Teach’s Hole, where the captain met a crazy man by the name of Nelson Heath. Nelson was peering through the back side of the face-hole of an angry wooden pirate-cutout, posted out front of a museum store. Had the landlubber not looked so similar to himself, Blackbeard wouldn’t have given him a second glance, but Mr. Heath held enough of a resemblance that the pirate would have felt yellow-bellied, not to stop for a word.
Long story short, Nelson’s appearance led to the coincidental explanation of shared blood, then the rabbit hole led to a conversation of family, and finally to to his mother, Patricia, and her place of work, at Southeastern Outdoor Products in Clinton, NC.
“Do they sell roofing?” inquired Blackbeard, anxious to put an end to the leakage over his bunk.
Mr. Heath assured him that 29-gauge galvanized metal roofing was a popular component sold by his mother’s workplace. The thought of the racket of hurricane waves meeting metal didn’t please the captain. Regardless, Blackbeard consented to the long drive to Clinton with his young doppelganger, even though the picaroon coxswain had no rum for the road.
“The Tin Man” happened to be in the store the hour they arrived, and after the astonishing introductions were over, Edward Teach made his roofing demands, though stubbornly disregarded any metal possibilities. Taking one look at the several loaded revolvers strapped to the pirate king’s chest, and the cutlass - known for slicing windmill decor into a man’s flesh, the SEOP-Admiral boldly gathered his wits long enough to come up with a brilliant plan.
Shingles. Really GREAT shingles. Shingles that withstood 130 mph winds, and came in many manly, pirate-y colors; algae and barnacle resistant up to ten years, with a lifetime warranty!
The Tin Man got on the phone and strategically found the best supplier: Owens Corning (Although he could get no guarantee of barnacle resistance, algae resistance was a go. Luckily, Edward Teach stated he was fine with barnacles). Before Blackbeard could start thinking about gruesome windmills or plank-pushing, the Admiral had added three new items to the online ordering system, and a seasoned sales associate, Ellie, pulled together a quick quote.
“Shingle me timbers, me hearties!” the relieved Blackbeard happily commanded.
So, Ellie compliantly placed the pirate’s order, and Nelson Heath stocked up on one or three gallons of rum for the return trip. Pete, the only Southeastern employee who could make Blackbeard’s laugh lines show, personally saw to the project’s successful completion.
No contractors were harmed in the making of this roof, although two have gone missing since its conclusion, and are suspected of joining the ranks on Queen Anne’s Revenge.
Ellie still isn’t sure what to do with all those gold doubloons.
Pete continues to swear that Blackbeard nicknamed him Petey-the-Pirate, but no witnesses will collaborate his story.
For the rest of you landlubbers, we now have three types of shingles to choose from, thanks to our dealings with the pirate king:
Supreme Series Shingles at $21.00 per bundle (takes three to make a square), are wind resistant up to 60 mph, algae resistant up to ten years, and covers 100 sq. ft. (with three bundles). A 25-year limited warranty holds up, as long as you own your home. Colors available: Aspen Gray, Autumn Brown, Brownwood, Chateau Green, Desert Tan, Driftwood, Shasta White, Onyx Black, Estate Gray, Weathered Wood, and Williamsburg Gray.
OAKRIDGE Series Shingles at $27.00 per bundle (takes three to make a square), are wind resistant up to 110/130 mph, algae resistant up to ten years, and covers 98.4 sq. ft. (with three bundles). A Limited Lifetime warranty holds up, as long as you own your home. Colors available: Brownwood, Desert Tan, Driftwood, Onyx Black, Estate Gray, Williamsburg Gray, and Teak.
DURATION Series Shingles at $32.89 per bundle (takes three to make a square), are wind resistant up to 130 mph, algae resistant up to ten years, and covers 98.4 sq. ft. (with three bundles). A Limited Lifetime warranty holds up, as long as you own your home. Colors available: Brownwood, Chateau Green, Desert Tan, Driftwood (Blackbeard’s color of choice), Shasta White, Onyx Black, Estate Gray, Williamsburg Gray, Teak, Harbor Blue, Quarry Gray, Slatestone Gray, and Terra Cotta.
Shingles, HO!(To view the colors available, click here…https://seop-usa.com/collections/shingles1)